10 Tips for Rocking Black Friday
Written by Lindsay Ropella
We all know that tomorrow is Thanksgiving. The day of food, football, family, and fun. But do you know what tomorrow also is?
Black Friday Eve. Well, it used to be. Now, thanks to our lovely consumer-driven society, it’s now this weird Black-Thursday-Evening-But-Also-Still-Friday deal.
Black Friday can be a rough beast, let me tell ya. And since I’ve done my fair share of Black Friday shopping over the years, I thought it was only fair that I share some of the expert tips I’ve learned over the years as we approach this momentous day…
1 | Make sure to leave your family Thanksgiving celebration well before dessert has been served. You need to be one of the first 10 people at line at Wally-World if you want to have any chance of be successful at this thing. (Besides, that second piece of pumpkin pie would just slow you down anyway).
2 | Don’t forget wear your elbow pads for crack-of-dawn store openings. Those old ladies get crazy over their 2 for 1 Christmas sweaters, and you don’t want to get bruised as you shove them out of the way.
3 | When you get to the stores, make sure to triple check the store ad and eavesdrop on other shoppers’ conversations to figure out what the hot items are this year – you are going to want to grab those first so you can sell them on Ebay for a profit once they are all sold out in stores.
4 | Taking a water break is for amateurs. Don’t forget to wear your Camelback backpack with the extra long water hose so that you can hydrate and shop simultaneously.
5 | If you see some shoppers that are just casually strolling through the mall and who seem to be doing more people-watching than shopping (and shock: actually look like they are having fun), make sure to shoot them a dirty look as you fly past them on your Segway.
6 | Purchase all the things. Two for one? Buy it. 60% off? Buy it. Don’t worry if you don’t have any idea what it actually is you are purchasing – you can pawn it off during the office Secret Santa or gift it as a Christmas gift to someone you don’t really like.
7 | Make sure you are sporting your yoga pants, tennis shoes, and fanny pack. That way everyone will know you ain’t there to play.
8 | If you have small children, you are golden. Let this be their opportunity to pay you back for all those sleepless nights they put you through. If you are going shopping at midnight, wake them up and take them with you. People are always more forgiving to a lady with a baby. And bonus – if you wear them on your chest you can use them as a weapon to push yourself through the crowd.
9 | When in doubt, always ask yourself “What Would Rebecca Bloomwood Do?”
10 | And whatever you do, make sure you never stop to actually think about the reason for the season, and why we are celebrating and buying gifts for each other in the first place. It may make you feel a bit guilty about numbers 1-9.
OK – so after all that I should mention that I really do enjoy shopping on Black Friday. I love the rush and the excitement of it all, and the fact that it’s the one time of year you can be at the mall in the middle of the night without security running after you. But I’m so over this “stores now open at 7:00 p.m. on Thanksgiving junk.” Can we at least hold out until midnight, people? Pretend you are Cinderella or something.
Happy Holidays, everyone. Let the games begin.