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5 Things I Didn't Know Would Change When I Got MarriedThe Newlywed Notebook

The Newlywed Notebook

Wednesday

21

May 2014

5 Things I Didn’t Know Would Change When I Got Married

Written by Lindsay Ropella

I didn’t go into marriage completely oblivious to the fact that my life was about to change in a big way. I was prepared for a lot of the major changes you hear about, to be taking on more responsibility, and just to overall grow up from being a college student to being a wife.

However, during these first (almost) two years of being married at a young age, I’ve noticed that there have been a few other changes as well that I was not so prepared for. If you are newly married or getting married soon, some of these changes may be true for you as well…
 
Getting married is an adjustment for everyone. Some changes I was prepared for - some not. Here are 5 things I didn't know would change when I got married.
 
1 | I didn’t know that I wouldn’t spend nearly as much time with my single friends. You hear about all these epic “girls nights” that women still have once they are married…or we see them on TV anyway. But spending a lot of time with my single friends just hasn’t been the case for me now that I’m married. Now, in my case specifically, many of my single friends don’t live in the same area I do; but I still feel like phone calls aren’t as frequent and I’ve lost touch a bit. It makes me sad, and I know the majority of the disconnect is my fault. At the same time, I try to not let myself feel too guilty about it because I know that these changes are all just part of growing up and of life.

A lot of my single friends are still in the “go out and party and meet people” stage, which – why shouldn’t they be? They are still looking to meet the right person, and often for them going out with friends is better than sitting home alone. But for me, I love to spend the majority of my weeknights at home hanging out with my husband and puppy watching too many episodes on Netflix and attempting too many DIY projects at once.

{{Shout out to my single friends who still put up with me!! Love you girls :)}}

 

2 | I didn’t know that friendships with other couples would become extremely important. Eric and I always liked hanging out with other couples when we were dating, but now that we are married it seems even more important. Being married (or almost married) is a tough transition, even for the best of couples, and it’s nice to be able to spend time with people who can relate. Sure, being able to double date and hang out with your hubby while getting in some friend time is a nice bonus, but there are many times when we hang out just one-on-one with our “couple” friends. Having someone else who can understand your struggles and frustrations and can talk things through with you is vital – at least for Eric and I.

 

3 | I didn’t know that I would get more worked up about the little things, but also be more inclined to just let the bigger things go. Since I’ve gotten married, I realize that I am much more critical of the little things that I probably would have just let go before. Eric left his dirty bowl sitting in the sink without filling it up with water so the food can do its weird magic trick of becoming like glue and plastering itself to the sides of the dish? Our crazy neighbor who basically breeds wild bunnies in her backyard and them lets them loose has allowed the bunnies to tear up all our plants again? Someone knocked over our garbage cans and just left them there? A$$holes.

The strange thing is, at the same time I’ve gotten to the point where I can quickly move on from something that actually would have upset me a few years ago. Marital arguments, unhappy coworkers, and couch stains don’t bother me nearly as much as they used to. And for that, I’m very grateful.

 

4 | I didn’t know that I would become extremely concerned over the amount of times I was “going out.” I’ve become obsessed over keeping track of how often I “go out” or go do something. “This is our fifth night in a row watching Scandal on Netflix?! We need to go out and do something, that’s insane!” “You’re tired from a long day and just want to relax tonight? Me too but too bad – what will people think if we stay at home again?!”

I know I’m insane. But seriously – I have these internal struggles all the time. I’m deathly afraid of turning into a boring old married couple at the ripe old age of 24 (I’m pretty sure this has already happened, but let’s move on) so I force Eric and I to go do things even if we don’t want to. And sometimes we have a great time and are glad we got out. But sometimes we just end up more tired and cranky thank before because all we really wanted to do was stay home. I don’t know who I’m try to impress, but one of these days I’m going to just have to embrace the fact that boring works for us.

 

5 | I didn’t know that so many of my personal qualities would change when I changed my last name. Being married has taught me so many valuable qualities that I don’t know if I would have learned had I stayed single. I’m less selfish and self-centered, more loving and open with my emotions, and more aware of the world around me than I ever was before marrying my husband.

I may have given up a few things here and there when I got married…but I gained some pretty great things in return.

 

I know we are all different and all have different stories and experiences, but did any of these sound familiar to my married friends out there? What is something that changed for you once you got married that you weren’t expecting? Let me know in the comments below!

 
 

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  • http://semisweeteats.wordpress.com Courtney

    Yes! Chris and I can relate to a few of these, even though we aren’t married.

    I am with you about wanting to stay in most nights. I am over the going out and drinking/clubbing for the most part, and I feel bad turning opportunities down when I know I’ll just be sitting at home (although I love just hanging out). It’s a constant internal struggle for me too!

    Wish we lived closer to you and Eric so we could just hang out and all watch Netflix and our dogs together. LOL! :)

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com Lindsay Ropella

      Oh I’m glad we aren’t the only ones who do that! I know sometimes it’s good to get out, and I think now that it’s not so cold and snowy we will do more of it, but I still love my netflix. :) Yes I know! That would be perfect! We could all just hang out and drink some wine and let the puppies play. :)

  • http://forlaurenandlauren.blogspot.com Katie

    i was the first of my friends to get married so it was hard to relate to my friends as I did not spend as nearly as much time with them and hard to understand our new phase. that got much easier the more friends i had that got married!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com Lindsay Ropella

      I’m glad to hear it gets easier! It is such a transition phase in life – much more than I was ever expecting…

  • A Mom

    Lindsay,

    This post could also be titled “5 Things that Change WHen you Have a baby.” Especially the part about getting out of touch with single friends and going out less. Priorities just change when you move on to a new phase in life–which is just fine!

    New to your blog, enjoying it!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com Lindsay Ropella

      I suppose that is very true. Not that I would know first hand, but I can definitely see how these ideas would fit that life transition as well. It can be hard adjusting to new life phases sometimes, but how exciting to be having something new to transition to and experience! Great thoughts, thank you so much for sharing. :) And I’m so glad to hear you’re enjoying the blog. Thanks so much for stopping by, hope to see you around these parts again soon :)

  • http://www.marry-mint.com Amanda @ Marry Mint

    Nothing wrong with drinking while watching Netflix on the couch with your husband and dogs! ;)
    Something that has taken a lot of learning for me is, how to be in ANOTHER family. When you get married you become somebody’s daughter/sister/whatever in-law. It’s an adjustment for sure!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com Lindsay Ropella

      That is SUCH a great point! Even though I love my in-laws and we get along really well, it’s just a different family dynamic to get used to. You have to learn how they do things, and how you fit in to this new family. GREAT point – thanks so much for sharing. :)

  • http://rachelemilyblog.com Rachel

    I love this! I’m not even married yet, but we have been together for 5 years so it’s almost the same. We definitely do these same things!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com Lindsay Ropella

      So you can totally relate! I’m so glad to know we aren’t the only ones out there going through this stuff. Quite a transition but so worth it!

  • http://keepingupwithashleyandcody.blogspot.com Ashley Servis

    I really like this post. Cody and I love being home. Well we are seriously only home for 2 hours before bed. So we cherish that time during the week. We are so busy with school, work, and us that we sometimes forget to go out with our friends or meet new couples. I agree your personality changes when you change your last name. Good post!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thanks so much! I don’t think it’s always a huge transition for everything, but I definitely think many people do have some shifts in their routine (like you and me) once they get married – and that’s totally OK! :) Thanks so much for sharing your story!

  • Courtney WN

    Wow did you read my mind??? ALL FIVE ARE SO TRUE!! Lol ahh this makes me feel normal again.

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      I’m so glad these were so relatable! LOL, isn’t it nice sometimes to know other people are dealing with the same things? Makes you feel like you aren’t so crazy. ;) Thanks so much for your comment girlie!

      • Courtney WN

        Yes! In fact that’s the direction I’m trying to go with starting my own blog. There needs to be more newlywed voices out there to relate to, at all different stages.

        • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

          Absolutely!! :)

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