A Classic Poop Story
Written by Lindsay Ropella
Those of you who have a dog will completely understand what I mean when I say, “when you have a dog, your life revolves around poop.” I don’t know how many times a day I say the word “poop” now, whether it be in the context of time, frequency, consistency, or location.
So as I’m sure you can imagine, many of my stories worth sharing revolve around poop…most of the time Stella’s.
My most recent story would be a recap of the poop fiasco my entire family had the privilege of enduring yesterday evening. Let me start at the beginning…
Yesterday evening after work, my entire family got together to have dinner to together in celebration of my little brother’s 22 birthday and as a farewell to my Grandparents who were leaving to go South for 3 months. We were all going to meet at my parents house and order in food, so we decide to bring Stella along so she could get out of the house a bit (how dogs don’t go stir-crazy I will never know).
I had to come right from work, so Eric brought Stella over and met me there a little bit after 5:30 p.m. As soon as Stella arrived, she put her crazy-stalker-girl eyes on and ran around the house sniffing everyone and giving kisses. Once she had thoroughly welcomed my family to their own home, she started the second part of her typical routine. You see, whenever a dog goes out to go to the bathroom at my parents house, they get a treat when they come back inside. This is something my dad started years ago and I’m sure very much regrets it to this day. Nevertheless, Stella has discovered that the treats are AMAZING (much better than the healthy crap her mom and dad keep around her house) and that she gets one anytime she goes outside, which is a highly unfortunate combination…
About 5 minutes into our arrival, Stella starts ringing her bell indicating to us that she has to use the doggy facilities. I always let her out so she can get her excitement pee out, and then try to discourage her for the rest of the night.
Side note: Yes, it would totally fix the issue if she would just stop getting treats when she went outside every single time, but unfortunately not everyone in the household can resist her puppy-dog eyes. *cough My dad cough*
So, here’s the breakdown of how things went that evening:
|| Ring 1 – I let her out and she does her biz
|| Ring 2 – I let her out again and she drops the kids off at the pool
|| Ring 3 – someone yells “that’s enough”
|| Ring 4 – “seriously Stella, knock it off”
|| Ring 5 – “you just did both. There is no possibly way you have to go
|| Ring 6 – Eric: “Fine! I will let you out one more time.” (she does nothing out there)
|| Ring 7 – “Don’t worry we will be eating soon and then you will start your begging and forget all about the dang bell.”
About Ring 8 we finally sat down to dinner. Stella, of course, immediately forgot about her bell and started the stare-down for some chicken and rice. At one point my mom got up to get some more water, looked in the dining room and said, “umm…guys?”
I got up to look and sure enough, Stella had left 5 perfectly round turds all over the wood floor and area rug (I say she left one for each time we ignored her bell, Eric disagrees). We all stared at it a moment, completely mind-boggled by the fact that such a little dog could carry around so much poop.
It was at the point that Eric and I started to clean it up that we realized not all the turd-circles had survived. No, in the process of people bringing extra chairs into the kitchen for our meal, Stella stool had gotten dragged all over the house. Thus, the Poop Hunt of ’15 began. Twenty minutes later we had found most of it (a few more areas were discovered upon departure) and had scolded Stella appropriately…which really just entails my grandma saying over and over “look at that face, would you look at that face” and my dad snuggling her in his rocking chair.
My gosh Eric and I are going to make great parents.
We tried to get back to our dinner after Poop-gate 2015, but do you know how difficult it is to eat Asian takeout after you’ve just finished scraping dried poop off the floor with one-ply, store-bought paper towel?