Waiting on Your Husband
Written by Lindsay Ropella
This month my husband and I will have been married for three years, and together for over 10. During that time I have found myself waiting on my husband in many different phases of our lives. Sometimes it was in small things like where he wanted to go for his birthday dinner, but I would also find myself waiting for him in bigger things like when we would get engaged or when he felt it was the right time to purchase a home.
I think we as women find ourselves waiting on our men much more often than they find themselves waiting on us. Unless we are getting ready for date night – then if you are anything like me, all bets are off. But I think the majority of the time we as women are so used to multi-tasking and having to make quick decisions that we have a tendency to lose our patience with our guys when we find ourselves waiting on them.
Over the past year or so I’ve found myself becoming a bit more patient with my husband, so I thought I would share a few of these “revelations” here. So whether you are waiting to actually find your spouse, waiting for them to finally “make a move,” or just waiting for them to be ready to move on to the next big thing, here a few thoughts you may want to keep in mind the next time you find yourself getting frustrated with your partner.
One // Men process things much differently than women do, so sometimes they need more time to think through ideas and information in a conversation. You may remember back in my A Beginner’s Guide to Marrage-ing: Part 2 post that I’ve recently learned that many men actually have a lot of thoughts and opinions that may never get shared if their partner (i.e. me, I totally fall into this group) sometimes forget to give them the space and opportunity in a conversation to speak freely. I know I personally certainly don’t do this on purpose, but sometimes if my husband and I are having a conversation and he stops talking, I just barge right in with my next thought instead of pausing for 30 seconds to see if he has actually completed his thought. You can read more about this in #6 of A Beginner’s Guide to Marriage-ing, but basically the main difference in how men and women process information is that women process their thoughts as they are saying them out loud, and men process them in their head fully first before the speak. So next time you are impatiently waiting for your guy to answer a question, make a decision on where to go or what to do, or just seem to not have cared or understood what you just said, give them a few minutes to process, and then speak.
Two // In many families husband’s are considered the head of the household, and that can put a great deal of responsibility on them. I know my husband feels a lot of pressure when it comes to making decisions that have the potential to change our lives like when to get married, when to purchase a home, when to have children, when is a good time to save vs. spend, etc. Eric and I make all our big decisions together of course, but I know he shoulders a lot more of the responsibility than I do when things go wrong. I think there are many men out there who feel similarly, so we as women need to remember that if our husband’s want to take a bit more time to think things through so that they feel 100% comfortable with any big decisions being made, we need to give them the time to do so (even though the waiting period can totally suck).
Three // Change is hard. It can be difficult for everyone, myself included, but sometimes change can be even more difficult for our guys for a myriad of reasons. I’ve found that when I give my husband some space to think things through and get used to the change, he usually comes around. It just may take a bit longer for him to accept than it does for me. But sometimes you will give your husband time and space to think it through and the answer you were hoping would be “yes” is still a “no.” That is the time when you must consider #4…
Four // Last but not least, ultimately, we need to respect their decisions. If you don’t hold this exact same belief as me that’s totally cool, but I personally believe God gave us our husbands as our partner in life. Even more specific than that, Eric and I believe that the husband is the “leader” and the wife is the “helper.” That word “helper” may totally rub you wrong, but all I mean by that is that although both people are equally as important in the relationship, we each hold different roles in order to make things run smoothly. I think whatever your views may be in your own relationship, it’s important to understand each other’s roles and respect them. Eric knows the areas of life that he defers to me as “the expert” for, and I’m well aware of the areas I can count on him to handle. Sometimes my husband may make the decision to put the breaks on something or to wait until later to do something or to take on something, and I’m realizing I need to respect that and not fight him on it. As my partner in this journey called life I need to remember that his opinions are just as important as mine, and that sometimes he may even have thought of something I didn’t or have some information I don’t have that led him to his decision to wait. Just as I want him to respect my decisions, I need to respect his.
So tell me — have you ever found yourself waiting on your husband? Was it difficult for you? How did you handle it? Let me know in the comments below!