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Waiting on Your HusbandThe Newlywed Notebook

The Newlywed Notebook

Monday

29

June 2015

Waiting on Your Husband

Written by Lindsay Ropella

This month my husband and I will have been married for three years, and together for over 10. During that time I have found myself waiting on my husband in many different phases of our lives. Sometimes it was in small things like where he wanted to go for his birthday dinner, but I would also find myself waiting for him in bigger things like when we would get engaged or when he felt it was the right time to purchase a home.

I think we as women find ourselves waiting on our men much more often than they find themselves waiting on us. Unless we are getting ready for date night – then if you are anything like me, all bets are off. But I think the majority of the time we as women are so used to multi-tasking and having to make quick decisions that we have a tendency to lose our patience with our guys when we find ourselves waiting on them.

Over the past 10 years I've found myself waiting waiting on my husband many times. Here are some tips for the next time you're waiting on your husband.

Over the past year or so I’ve found myself becoming a bit more patient with my husband, so I thought I would share a few of these “revelations” here. So whether you are waiting to actually find your spouse, waiting for them to finally “make a move,” or just waiting for them to be ready to move on to the next big thing, here a few thoughts you may want to keep in mind the next time you find yourself getting frustrated with your partner.

One // Men process things much differently than women do, so sometimes they need more time to think through ideas and information in a conversation. You may remember back in my A Beginner’s Guide to Marrage-ing: Part 2 post that I’ve recently learned that many men actually have a lot of thoughts and opinions that may never get shared if their partner (i.e. me, I totally fall into this group) sometimes forget to give them the space and opportunity in a conversation to speak freely. I know I personally certainly don’t do this on purpose, but sometimes if my husband and I are having a conversation and he stops talking, I just barge right in with my next thought instead of pausing for 30 seconds to see if he has actually completed his thought. You can read more about this in #6 of A Beginner’s Guide to Marriage-ing, but basically the main difference in how men and women process information is that women process their thoughts as they are saying them out loud, and men process them in their head fully first before the speak. So next time you are impatiently waiting for your guy to answer a question, make a decision on where to go or what to do, or just seem to not have cared or understood what you just said, give them a few minutes to process, and then speak.

Two // In many families husband’s are considered the head of the household, and that can put a great deal of responsibility on them. I know my husband feels a lot of pressure when it comes to making decisions that have the potential to change our lives like when to get married, when to purchase a home, when to have children, when is a good time to save vs. spend, etc. Eric and I make all our big decisions together of course, but I know he shoulders a lot more of the responsibility than I do when things go wrong. I think there are many men out there who feel similarly, so we as women need to remember that if our husband’s want to take a bit more time to think things through so that they feel 100% comfortable with any big decisions being made, we need to give them the time to do so (even though the waiting period can totally suck).

Three //  Change is hard. It can be difficult for everyone, myself included, but sometimes change can be even more difficult for our guys for a myriad of reasons. I’ve found that when I give my husband some space to think things through and get used to the change, he usually comes around. It just may take a bit longer for him to accept than it does for me. But sometimes you will give your husband time and space to think it through and the answer you were hoping would be “yes” is still a “no.” That is the time when you must consider #4…

Four // Last but not least, ultimately, we need to respect their decisions. If you don’t hold this exact same belief as me that’s totally cool, but I personally believe God gave us our husbands as our partner in life. Even more specific than that, Eric and I believe that the husband is the “leader” and the wife is the “helper.” That word “helper” may totally rub you wrong, but all I mean by that is that although both people are equally as important in the relationship, we each hold different roles in order to make things run smoothly. I think whatever your views may be in your own relationship, it’s important to understand each other’s roles and respect them. Eric knows the areas of life that he defers to me as “the expert” for, and I’m well aware of the areas I can count on him to handle. Sometimes my husband may make the decision to put the breaks on something or to wait until later to do something or to take on something, and I’m realizing I need to respect that and not fight him on it. As my partner in this journey called life I need to remember that his opinions are just as important as mine, and that sometimes he may even have thought of something I didn’t or have some information I don’t have that led him to his decision to wait. Just as I want him to respect my decisions, I need to respect his.

So tell me — have you ever found yourself waiting on your husband? Was it difficult for you? How did you handle it? Let me know in the comments below!

 
 
 

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  • http://aprioritizedmarriage.com/ Amberly

    I LOVE this!!! Yes, yes and yes to all of it! Thanks for the reminder!! :)

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thanks Amberly! Sometimes it’s a good reminder for myself to say oh um, write I guess, some of this kind of thing out loud. ;)

  • Mandy Hanson

    Yes! I struggled with waiting to get engaged. We were ready to get married and I knew he had bought the ring so the longer it took, the more frustrated I got. I definitely was not patient! So when we started talking about kids, I practically begged but then I realized be wasn’t ready. I have him some space. He came around to it quickly! He just needed time to sort out his own thoughts.

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      I think that’s exactly it, Mandy! They just need time to sort through their own thoughts and opinions a lot of the time. I know I personally never like it when sometime tries to rush me. For us gals I think it’s easier because we are more “maternal” or whatever you want to call it so we feel ready for those types of things sooner, but I always need to remember those types of life change decisions are a big deal for our guys too and they have to feel comfortable moving forward! :)

  • http://becomingadorrable.com/ Becca Dorr

    Such a great post, Lindsay! I think it’s so, so important to establish those roles — because even if one spouse isn’t the “leader”, one will certainly be taking the reigns in some areas of their lives together.

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thanks Becca! Yes, I think it’s really just about learning where both of your strengths lie and then respecting that. Eric is a financial analyst and super good with numbers (I hated math growing up) so typically we just let him handle a good chunk of our finances. And when I try to get my hands in there I end up just really rocking the boat instead of helping. :)

  • http://brittanymorgan52.blogspot.com Brittany Wilson

    Omygosh I can relate to this so much with my boyfriend. I’m waiting for him to propose and he is taking his very sweet time.

    Also I am terrible and waiting for him to respond. He always says he’s thinking when I ask why he’s so slow to answer me or add something to the conversation but that’s so hard for me to understand.

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      haha I totally get you girl! I went through that exact same thing. I just had to keep reminding myself that he was thinking about it a lot and whether he was waiting for financial reasons, to feel emotionally prepared, or just because he had a really great way to propose and wanted everything to be “perfect,” he had to be ready too or it would never work.

      Oh wow I felt the exact same way! But then I read that book, “The Queens Code” and my views and understanding on the way men think and communicate COMPLETELY changed! It’s a super easy read, if you have some free time I would highly recommend it to you!

  • http://www.thenewwifestyle.com/ chelsea @ the new wifestyle

    lots of great points here to remember, especially when it comes to processing things differently! great reminder. i think that’s great that you both make big decisions together, i am all about the partnership :)

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thanks, Chelsea! It’s funny to me how two people who can be seemingly so similar on the surface (my husband and I) can be so different in the way we think and process things. Always great to remember that through the tough times and work as a team. ;)