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We are the 1 in 10 | Our Story and Our StruggleThe Newlywed Notebook

The Newlywed Notebook

Wednesday

22

April 2015

We are the 1 in 10 | Our Story and Our Struggle

Written by Lindsay Ropella

If you didn’t already know, this week is national infertility awareness week. A topic that, unfortunately, Eric and I are all too familiar with.

This is a post I’ve been wanting to write for months, almost a year if I’m being honest with myself. But for having a personal blog, I’m actually a pretty private person. I’ve written about 10 drafts of this post now, but every time I do I can never bring myself to hit the “publish” button. Some days it’s because I feel like my post sounds too much like a “poor me” serenade. Some days I get nervous that someone I know is going to read it and want to talk to me about it in real life (something I’m not sure I’m emotionally ready to deal with yet). Some days I’m just plain scared to put my life that “out there.” But today, my friend wrote a beautiful post encouraging me to share my story, and I’m finally taking a step in courage.

So whether you are reading this post because you yourself are struggling with infertility, you know someone who is, you know us personally, or you are just plain nosey (all of which, by the way, are totally valid reasons in my book), I want to say thank you. Thank you for your interest and your support and for letting me share my story. Sometimes you just need to share…

Today I'm becoming vulnerable and sharing with you my husband's and my story and our struggle with infertility as newlyweds. I'd love for you to share your story too.

Did you know that 1 in 10 couples struggle with fertility issues? I sure didn’t. And I sure as heck didn’t think it would be something I would ever experience personally. Going into marriage I knew that women on both sides of my family had dealt with road-blocks to getting pregnant here or there so I wasn’t expecting it to be a total walk in the park for Eric and myself, but I certainly wasn’t prepared for what was to come.

You never think it could ever happen to you, until it does.

It’s been just shy of two years, and Eric and I are still no closer to starting our family now than we were almost 21 months ago when we decided to “stop preventing.” I don’t want to get too weird on ya’ll, but in that time we’ve tried pretty much every “home remedy” for infertility that you can think of. If you can google it, we’ve tried it.

I will be the first to admit that I am not the most patient person ever. In fact, think of the most patient person you know (let’s be real, it’s probably your kindergarten teacher or your grandma) and then consider the exact opposite of that person. Hi. That’s me — nice to meet you. So when I wasn’t pregnant after a few months, I could only assume that I was doomed to never bear my own children (did I admit I’m also a tad over-dramatic?). Once I was able to pull it together I realized that I am in fact not doomed, and instead just have to prepare myself for a journey that is different from what I was previously anticipating.

Eric and I are Christians, and I can tell you honestly that our faith in God and His perfect plan for our lives has been the only thing that has kept me from pulling my hair out. We are so thankful that God gives us what we need and not what we deserve, and know that His Will will guide our outcome, no matter what it may be. But that doesn’t mean we still don’t struggle. There are so many days I have to remind myself that our lack of a baby is not a punishment, and it is not the result of us not praying hard enough or not having enough faith. It’s just what is right now, and that’s okay.

Lately, our greatest struggle has been deciding how much and what type of medical help we should pursue. Personally, I’m struggling with deciphering where the line is between just sitting around idly twiddling my thumbs and being too overzealous pushing my own personal agenda and timeline.

I can tell you that for right now Eric and I have decided to proceed cautiously with treatment and just keep moving forward slowly until something feels wrong or a road-block is put in our way. We both feel very settled with that decision. So, in a few weeks Eric and I will go in for our very first fertility consultation. And if you are the praying type, I would love if you would pray that our first steps would be made clear and that we would be given an obvious path to pursue. Because the unknown can be scary, but in a weird (and possibly twisted) way, I’m also kind of excited.

Today I'm becoming vulnerable and sharing with you my husband's and my story and our struggle with infertility as newlyweds. I'd love for you to share your story too.

And for those of you who may be concerned, no this place is not going to turn into a health and fertility blog. In fact, I don’t plan to talk about it much at all other than to give periodic updates if anyone would be interested, and as an attempt to keep my sanity throughout this process. For the most part I want this blog to remain an upbeat, fun, sometimes even funny, place where you can reflect and relax. However at the same time, I do want this place to be an open and honest forum where you can get to know my life and my marriage. And right now, infertility is a big piece of both.

 

So tell me — have you ever struggled with infertility or known someone who has? How do you and your spouse work through difficult situations together? Let me know in the comments below.

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  • http://aprioritizedmarriage.com/ Amberly

    Trusting the Lord’s timing on everything is the most obvious, but not always the easiest thing to do!! I’ll be praying for you guys friend!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thanks so much! Yes, the waiting and not knowing is always the hardest part. Just have to keep remembering. Thank you so much for you sweet comment.

  • Tabitha Joi

    Saying a prayer of peace for you both!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thank you very much! <3

  • Melissa @ Loving Here

    It’s so so so hard to wait! We ended up going through all the testing early on in our infertility journey because my doctor recommended it since I wasn’t ovulating…which is a pretty essential part of the process. :) The early tests gave us some pretty difficult answers to deal with and we were left with a decision to be made about necessary procedures just a year into the process. It’s hard no matter when it happens. I wrote a post on our blog several weeks ago sharing our story. Glad you took the step to hit publish today. Prayers of blessings and peace for you guys.

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      I read your story and found it absolutely inspiring. As sad as it is that you had to go through that, it’s nice to hear stories of people who dealt with infertility and ended up getting pregnant. I feel like I’m at the point now where I’m just ready for answers, and want to try and tackle whatever we may be facing. Thanks so much friend :)

      • Melissa @ Loving Here

        Answers are good…but can be hard, too. Glad you’re walking this road with trusted loved ones. Praying you find good doctors who respect your decisions and the time you need to make them. Also, for good answers…and the grace to handle any difficult ones.

  • Stacey Pirlot-Wysocki

    I know you will be blessed with children. Praying for a clear path. Love you!!!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thank you, we really appreciate it. We feel like we will be someday too, so we just have to be patience! Love you

  • Jodi Pirlot

    Praying for peace and clarity for you and Eric. I am with you on the patience thing so I can totally relate. Love you!!!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thank you very much! Ugh, it really is no fun! :) If nothing else, this is a great test of patience for me. ;) Love you!

  • http://www.elizabeth-loves.com/ Elizabeth T

    I’m so glad you decided to hit publish today–praying for peace, patience, and just plain ol’ good baby vibes for you guys!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thanks so much girl. We really really appreciate it!! xo

  • Don & Virgie Pirlot

    We believe you and Eric will have children. Praying for Gods guidance. Love you both!!!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thank you. We believe so too. Love you!

  • http://wetherillssayido.com/ Madison

    I’m so thankful that you decided to publish this because I know there are so many women out there who are struggling with infertility as well and just want to know that someone understands them and hears them. Praying for the next phase in your journey and that you continue to trust in the Lord for his provision and perfect timing!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thanks so much. I’m not really sure quite why I did honestly, just one of those things I felt like I need to do. Thanks so much for your prayers and support. We are excited to finally start this journey (as much as we can be, anyway). ;)

  • http://www.thenewwifestyle.com/ chelsea @ the new wifestyle

    keeping you both in my thoughts! we haven’t tried to make a baby yet so i’m not sure what we’ll face but it is nuts to hear that 1 in 10 couples struggle with infertility and i’m sorry you’re experiencing that now.

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thanks a ton Chelsea! I know, right?! And actually I guess some stats say that it’s now more like 1 in 8. I’m not a huge fan of stats, but either way it sounds like too many people having to deal with that. Thanks so much for your sweet comment!

  • Valerie Bowers Kolick

    Sending many prayers your way! This can be a tough time in a couples relationship so keep strong.

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thank you Valerie! It has been tough but I do also strongly feel like it will bond us even closer together. :)

  • http://www.gracemakesnew.blogspot.com Julia Strong

    Hi there, found your blog through a link Becca over at Becoming Adorrable posted on FB! :) We are one of the 1 in 10 as well, and I completely understand this pain and struggle! Right now we are just having to trust God that if kids are in the plan for us, they will happen in His timing! HUGS, I know how hard it is to wait!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Hey Julia! Thanks SO much for stopping over! I’m so sorry to hear you are struggling as well, it’s definitely not a fun season of life. YES! Totally agree. Although the waiting is never easy, I wouldn’t want it any other way. xo

  • http://becomingadorrable.com/ Becca Dorr

    Some of those home remedies really freak me out though… Specifically the one with the egg.

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      bahahaha! Okay I totally lied. We didn’t try everyyyything. That one we definitely opted to skip out on.. ;)

  • Sarah K.

    Right beside you both in prayer and love. God’s plans are 10,000 times greater than anything we could ever even imagine. Love you and Eric!

    • http://www.thenewlywednotebook.com/ Lindsay Ropella

      Thank you SO much! We appreciate all the prayers and support! Love you guys!

  • http://www.southernhopeblog.com/ Whitney

    Found your blog through a share from Becca Dorr. So sorry to hear of your troubles conceiving. We’ve been through it and if you ever need to vent/talk I’m here to listen. We struggled for 3 years and followed every doctor down whatever road they wanted to take us down. It’s hard, hang in there. The Lord’s timing is never our own. HUGS

  • http://www.amandamoments.com Amanda

    You know, I’m actually surprised it’s only 1 in 10. I’ve been hearing so many other bloggers open up about this lately, and combined with several friends I know who are struggling to conceive too, I had no idea infertility was so common. We’ve been not preventing for about 9 months now, and I’m actually suspecting that something might be up with me too. Even just the thought of not having the option makes me incredibly sad, and I can only imagine how hard it would be over time. Hugs, girl.