When Your Husband is Wrong
Written by Lindsay Ropella
This post is sponsored by Valerie Kolick Marriage Coaching. Scroll down to download your own FREE copy of her ebook: How to Make Your Marriage Extraordinary!
If you’ve been married for a few months (heck, a few days) you’ve probably been in a situation or conversation when you find yourself thinking your husband is wrong. It may be that he’s wrong about specific information, the way he handled a certain situation, or that he’s just wrong in general.
As a wife of almost 3 years now, I can definitely admit I’ve found myself in this situation a few
hundred dozen times. And unfortunately, in some of those instances I’ve definitely handled things incorrectly. I’ve yelled, gotten frustrated, and spent way too much time trying to convince him that he is in fact wrong. I can tell you that this has never ever been a beneficial way to approach the situation in any sense of the word, and as soon as I learned this the better off I was. Now, a few years in to marriage, I’ve realized that when I find myself questioning my husband or his actions, I must take a step back and consider the following three things…
1 || Is this something I really need to fight for?
This is always the first question I ask myself when I find myself thinking my husband is wrong. Sometimes I ask myself this and find that the answer really is “yes,” we do need to do some more communicating on this topic and my view on this needs to be heard. But probably a lot more often I realize that what I think my husband is “wrong” about doesn’t really need to be discussed further.
The way I tend to judge whether or not I need to fight for my side to be seen is by asking myself the following question, “will our differences of opinion on this topic affect the quality of our marriage?” So for example if something Eric did has a deep effect on my emotions or the way I’m feeling about our relationship I make sure to let him know, but in a non-accusatory and communicative way. But if it’s just something that drives me nuts from time to time or rubs me the wrong way here or there, I try to just take a deep breath and let it go.
2 || Is your husband’s view on this going to affect the way other’s view him?
This is the area I consider to be the “housekeeping check.” I take a quick minute to think about whether or not the area in which I find my husband to be wrong will affect the way others will view him. So for example, if he has the incorrect time for a dinner date with friends or think I’m picking the dog up from the groomers when I had asked him to, I make sure to communicate that information. I know he wouldn’t want people who are waiting on him to think he’s inconsiderate and I don’t want him to feel embarrassed.
However, I think the important thing about this one is to remember to correct in a way that does not embarrass your partner in front of others and is not done in a way that makes him feel stupid. It’s important to communicate your knowledge in these situations but there is definitely a right and and a wrong way to do it.
3 || Am I sure that my husband is wrong? Or might it be possible that I am the one who is?
This is the big one, ladies. This is the one that I stumble over the most every single time. I have a tendency to be super stubborn and so sometimes I don’t even take into consideration that fact that Eric might actually be right and I may actually be the one in the wrong.
And in this instance there is usually a definite point in the conversation where I begin to realize that I am the one who either has the incorrect information or behaved incorrectly, and let me tell ya that realization digs in like a knife. I wont lie, sometimes I find myself trying to back-talk my out of that situation like a maniac, and sometimes I decide to just keep going with it and see how far I can get until I finally get called out. But really, I’ve found that the best option is to just throw up the white flag as soon as I realize my mistake. I’ve also noticed that husband’s are much more forgiving that way…
So the next time you find yourself on opposite sides of the proverbial fence as your husband, try quickly running through these three questions in your head first before setting up camp there. It may not really matter to you, your marriage, or anyone else if your husband is wrong, and the more you think about it you may realize that you aren’t even sure he’s totally wrong in the first place.
But if you and your husband find yourself disagreeing with each other, or on opposite sides of the fence more often than you’d like, don’t stress. There are definitely steps you can take! My advice for a great first step would be to get connected with a marriage coach. Let me tell ya these people are geniuses! They will give you tips, tricks, and tools to help you better communicate with and understand your partner, all while building an extraordinary relationship with your spouse! Eric and I actually participated in pre-marital coaching the few months leading up to our wedding, and it was such an amazing opportunity for us to work through some potential issues before they even became such in a controlled environment.
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So tell me — how do you handle when your husband is wrong? Do you have any tips for diffusing the tension or communicating well in that type of situation? Let me know in the comments below!